Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
