your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
