why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
