I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
