its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
