Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
