i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
