he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize