I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
