In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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