just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
