I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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