Pappa wants mamma naked
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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