"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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