All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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