Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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