I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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