im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
