go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
