Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Blood and glitter go together right?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize