I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
