My room smells like vodka and shame
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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