...so i touched it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
