As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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