Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think I am morally bankrupt
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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