$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
