There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
