im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
