the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
