Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
