The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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