Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
