The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
