You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
