I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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