My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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