Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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