It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
