okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize