Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
