theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
