You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
