This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
