I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
