I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
