You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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