my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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