She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
