Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize