So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize