Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
