just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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