He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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