i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
