You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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