She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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