so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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