Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
