first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
