I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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