I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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