Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
