I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
