Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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