We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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