Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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