also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
