You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
