he puts the penis in happiness.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Randomize
