You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
