If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
