His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
