Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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