Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
