I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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